There's a Girl in the Girls' Bathroom

For this post, I'd like to share an experience that I had recently.

So all of you who know me know that the way that I dress is generally pretty androgynous. It's not super masculine  but it's not particularly feminine either. My hair is pretty short, not a crew cut, but shorter than a bob. The day that this happened, I was wearing a loose grey fleece sweatshirt, loose jeans, and tennis shoes. I'm used to having people mix up my gender every once in a while, and refer to me as a boy, or use male pronouns, but on this occasion  something that goes beyond that happened.

After school, I stopped at the Community Center to use the bathroom. When I entered the bathroom, there was a gaggle of middle school girls standing there gossiping. When they saw me, they got quiet. Then they started giggling nervously. One of them muttered, "what the h**l." I ignored them. As I went into a stall, one of them said to me, "Wait, this is the girls room." I replied with, "yes indeed." Normally, that's enough to clear up any confusion. Not for them. They continued to giggle nervously, whispering to each other, "What's he doing?" They then left but continued to discuss me loudly, right outside of the bathroom door.

"What is wrong with him?" "I think that's a girl?" "Why is he still in there?" "Should we tell someone?"

They decided that they should take action on their own. They opened the door to the bathroom and switched the lights off, then hastily retreated. As there were no windows in the bathroom, it was pitch black. I could barely see my hand right in front of my face.

As I groped to unlock the door of the stall and find the light switch, I felt like crying. I don't think that anyone deserves to be treated like that.

First of all, leaving then returning to turn off the lights on me was not the correct way to handle the situation at all. If they were that confused, they could have specifically asked if I was a girl. If they truly thought that I was a guy, they should have gotten security. Not that I would have appreciated that either, but turning out the lights was just stupid and immature. If I was a guy and I had gone into the girls bathroom on purpose, I don't see how turning out the lights would really make a difference. If anything, it would have just made me angry.

I recognize that these were middle schoolers and middle schoolers are, by  nature, not always the best at handling this type of situation. At that age tweens, egged on by their friends, are infamous for doing stupid things without thinking about how their actions might affect anyone else involved. I understood that fully, even as it was happening. But that really doesn't make their actions any less hurtful.

I don't mind that they initially confused my gender, that's just one of the things that happens. I do mind the way that they continued to treat me after my gender should have been clear to them. Just because I didn't say, "I am a girl," does not mean that I'm not one. That is not something that I should have to proclaim whenever I go into a bathroom.

This all fits into my first blog post rather nicely. Gender is ridiculous. It's just a series of stereotypes put in place that tell us that our genitalia should dictate how we look and act. And that if we don't fit in with those stereotypes there's something wrong with you.

But really, there isn't. As cliched as this sounds. Everyone is exactly who they are supposed to be. I am just as much of a real girl as the middle schoolers in the bathroom were.

So please, don't make assumptions on gender based on appearance. It is absolutely unnecessary. Please don't assume that you know everything about a person because they fit your image of a girl or a boy. If you don't know and you're worried about offending someone, ask as politely as you can, and if they seem offended, explain that you didn't want to hurt them by drawing the wrong conclusion. And just be nice. Please.

This link is targeted towards parents raising gender nonconforming children, but I think that really, it's something that anyone can benefit from.


Also, Stephanie commented on my first blog post with this link, but I think that it's a great video and really fits here as well so I figured I'd share it here as well.